On Politics and “Being Political” with Children
In response to the recent tragedy in Parkland, Florida and so many others around the country, several marches have been planned. The first of these is a 17-minute walk out from school. The intent is to leave school for 17 minutes to honor and remember the 17 lives lost on February 14th at Stoneman-Douglass High School in Parkland, Florida. For me, it is also in love, support, and solidarity for anyone who has experienced loss and grief as a result of gun violence.
I have two children in elementary school and plan to sign them out for that short period on March 14th. I shared this with a group of parents at our school. My message did not say that everyone should participate, it was not even an invitation. Rather just to say that I will be there so “if you were going to do this too, you will not be alone”. While there were many supportive responses there were a few that expressed anger at my “attempt to bring politics into elementary school”. The end result was that the post was removed. This gave me pause because it points to some of the challenges we have in this political context. First, the mere fact that if there are multiple perspectives on an issue, all conversation ends. And, the belief that we cannot or should not engage with children around difficult issues.
Folks seem so afraid of discussing issues where there is not complete agreement. This alone is adding to the divisiveness in our country. If we can’t discuss our differences, we do not have a chance of ever understanding one another. I love the model proposed by Better-Angels. Better-Angels suggests a few expectations that one might need to abandon. They include:
- That you can persuade the other person to change core attitudes and beliefs.
- That facts will be agreed on and logic followed consistently.
- That your conversation partner will match your openness.
Some might feel discouraged by the idea of abandoning the possibility of changing another person’s mind. But, I think it is freeing. It allows us to enter a conversation with the intention of learning about one another instead of trying to change the other. The site offers advice for “talking across the political divide”. The ideas they share are applicable for any conflict. Suggestions center around how to listen, speak, set the tone, and how to deal with the inevitable difficult moments.
The second sticking point is the belief that children need to be (or can be) shielded from difficult topics and politics. To be sure, we would love to maintain the innocence of all children for as long as possible. But, the truth is that children are living real lives. They experience divorce, the death of a loved one, bullying, and images of violence on a myriad of screens. They are living real lives and confronting difficult situations is inevitable. All we can do as the adults in their lives is help them to navigate these challenges.
Moreover, we must acknowledge that “politics” is everywhere and our children are impacted by politics from the start. Elementary school is filled with political decisions. All schools are. Every choice of book, activity, assembly, and bulletin board is political. How much or little attention that a school pays to Black History Month, Women’s History Month and the like, are political decisions. If your school has a father-daughter dance or a mother-son event — that is also political If your school does drug and alcohol education or sex education, that is political. If your school conducts active shooter trainings, that is political. The fact that many middle school textbooks, including the one in my district, says that we brought Africans over as “workers” is political. I could go on.
So yes, if standing with my children for 17 minutes to show them that I will do everything I can to keep them and others safe, I guess I am being political. If making an explicit and physical showing of my support for those who are hurting around our country is being political, then I suppose that is me.
I will not be sorry for being explicit about the fact that we need common sense gun legislation. I am sorry that we can’t promise our children they will be safe when they leave us each day. I am sorry that teachers now need to think about whether they will protect my child or stay safe, so they can return home to their own child. But, I will not be sorry for “being political”.